Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
Answer: She had to give a screech.

What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
Answer: Lemon n' Slime.

Why wasn't the vampire working?
Answer: He was on his coffin break.

How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
Answer: By scareplane.

How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
Answer: By witchful thinking.

What's a ghoul's favorite breakfast cereal?
Answer: Rice Creepies.

Why do jack-o-lanterns have stupid smiles on their faces?
Answer: You'd have a stupid smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!

Why did the witch's mail rattle?
Answer: It was a chain letter.

Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
Answer: It was a stake sandwich.

What instrument does a skeleton play?
Answer: A trombone.

Why was the zombie so grumpy?
Answer: She woke up too early in the moaning.

What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
Answer: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

What do birds give out on Halloween?
Answer: Tweets.

What's a vampire's favorite feast?
Answer: Fangsgiving Day dinner.

What do little trees say on Halloween?
Answer: Twig or treat.

What do goblins mail home while on vacation?
Answer: Ghostcards.

Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Answer: She had bat breath.

What is a witch's favorite subject?
Answer: Spelling.

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts.

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray.

What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?
Ouch.

How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope.

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with.

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries.

What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
Halloweenies.

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball.

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.

What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo.

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.

What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
Decoffinated.

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein.

What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
Peekaboo.

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Do you believe in people?

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer.

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves.

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends.

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts.

What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
Ghost toasties with evaporated milk.

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel.

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane.

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds.

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime.

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich.

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone.

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets.

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath.

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure.

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation.

Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
He couldn't find any dloob.

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet.

What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-ick.

What did the mother ghost say to her son?
Don't spook unless you are spooken to.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite!

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Boo Boo who? Don't cry, its just a joke!

What do goblins drink when they are thirsty?
Answer: Ghoul-Aid!

What are ghosts favorite deserts?
Answer: I-Scream and Boo-berry pie!

Who was the most famous French Skeleton?
Answer: Napoleon Bone-apart!

Who is the best dancer at a Halloween party?
Answer: The Boogie Man!

What is the best way to talk to a monster?
Answer: From far away!

Why are vampires so good at baseball?
Answer: Because they have lots of bats!

Why did the pumpkin get scared?
Answer: Because he had a scary carving!

What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
Answer: A penguin with a jack-o-lantern.

What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
Answer: Why orange you orange?

What did the pumpkin say after thanksgiving?
Answer: Good-pie!

What did one jack-o-lantern say to the other?
Answer: Cut it out!

What does a pumpkin pie say after a big meal?
Answer: That was filling!

What is a pumpkin's favorite sport?
Answer: Squash

What is orange and flies?
Answer: Super Pumpkin!

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
Answer: With a pumpkin patch!

What is a vampire's least favorite meal?
Answer: Stake !!

What do vampires enjoy most about baseball?
Answer: The bats (and the double-headers)

What kind of toothpaste do vampires buy?
Answer: Ultra-Bite.

What does a monster wear when it rains?
Answer: His ghoul-oshes.

How did the monster predict his future?
Answer: With a horror-scope.

What did the monster do when he lost his hand?
Answer: He went to a second hand store.

Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the road?
Answer: Because he didn't have any guts.

What are a spook's two favorite rides at the fair?
Answer: The roller ghoster and the merry ghoul round.

What is a vampires favorite holiday?
Answer: Fangsgiving.

What four things do monsters enjoy eating on Halloween?
Answer: Ghoulash and I Scream with booberry pie and ghoul-aid.

What two famous places did the monster visit while on his vacation?
Answer: The Vampire State Building and Count Rushmore.

What is in the red blood cells of monsters?
Answer: Hemogoblin !!!

What spook lives in the "hundred acre wood"?
Answer: Winnie the Boo

Where do ghosts keep their cars?
Answer: In a mirage.

What is the hardest thing to sell to a mummy?
Answer: Life Insurance.

How do you keep a skeleton from laughing?
Answer: Take away his funny bone!

What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
Answer: Neck tarines

Why didn't the wraith win at poker?
Answer: He didn't have a ghost of a chance.

What performers do vampires enjoy the most at the circus?
Answer: The jugulars

What do spooks call their Navy?
Answer: The ghost guard.

What do you call a mummy who eats cookies in bed?
Answer: A crumby mummy!

Why do Casper's phone bills tend to be so high each month?
Answer: He is always calling ghost-to-ghost.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Answer: Because he had no body to take !

Do witches stay home on weekends?
Answer: No. They go away for a spell

How do you make a witch scratch?
Answer: Take away her "W"

When a witch lands, where does she park?
Answer: In a broom closet.

What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
Answer: She flies off the handle.

What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
Answer: You hear the broom boom.

What happened to the witch who hooked her broom to a space shuttle?
Answer: She got spaced out

Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
Answer: Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."

How does a witch tell time?
Answer: She looks at her witch watch.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
Answer: They're afraid of flying off the handle!

What do witches use on their hair?
Answer: Scare spray

Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Answer: Their bats flew away

What would you find on a haunted beach?
Answer: A sand witch.

What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
Answer: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

What does the Coven's softball team do on Halloween?
Answer: They practice pitchcraft.

What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Answer: Spelling!